The Bully Growing Inside Your Child (1)

Mika: My daughter is 13 and really confrontational. She's seems to be really emotional about everything lately and recently, started to become physical with me. How do I stop this behavior before it gets any worse?

JV: There’s a moment — and if you’re a parent, you know it by heart — when your child’s anger hits the room like weather. Not a drizzle, not a polite cloud, but a full‑bodied storm that makes something ancient in you brace. You feel it in your ribs before you hear it in their voice. And because you’ve lived a life, because you’ve carried your own storms, your body whispers its old warnings: protect yourself, shrink, fix it, disappear, absorb it.

But you’re older now. Wiser. More tender with yourself than you used to be. You’ve learned that anger is rarely about the person standing in front of you — even when that person is you, the parent, the safe one, the one they trust enough to unravel in front of.

So you take a breath. A real one. The kind that reminds you that you are not just someone’s mother or father or anchor — you are a human being with limits and a nervous system and a right to peace.

And you say, gently but clearly:

“I want to understand you, but you need to keep your hands to yourself and use your words. Is it me that you are angry with or something else?”

It’s not a trap. It’s a doorway. A way of saying: I’m here, but I won’t be your punching bag. I’ll walk with you, but I won’t let you drag me behind you.

Because here’s the truth: Love without boundaries isn’t love. It’s self‑abandonment.   And your child doesn’t need a parent who disappears. They need a parent who stays visible.

So you hold your ground — not like a fortress, but like a lighthouse. Steady. Warm. Unmoving in the ways that matter.

You might say:

“I’m willing to talk about what’s going on, but I’m not willing to be yelled at.”   “I care about your feelings, and I love you too much to argue.”   “If you need a moment to cool down, I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”

This is the part no one tells you: Setting boundaries with your child is not an act of distance. It’s an act of devotion. It teaches them how to treat others. It teaches them how to treat themselves. It teaches them that relationships can hold both truth and tenderness at the same time.

And when you ask, “Is it me you’re angry with, or is something else hurting you?” you’re giving them a gift most adults never received — the chance to separate the trigger from the target, the feeling from the person, the storm from the sky.

You’re teaching them emotional literacy. You’re teaching them accountability. You’re teaching them that love can stay present without sacrificing itself.

And you’re teaching yourself, too — that you get to be whole inside this relationship. That your boundaries are not walls but pathways. That you can love your child fiercely without letting their storms swallow you.

If you need more help, reach out, I'm ready to help navigate these tricky times!

With curiosity and boundaries,